The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

Am I a true writer?  Laypeople think that only if you are published, you can be considered a REAL writer.  Others, the more knowledgeable about the agonizing process of writing, say that you MUST WRITE to be a writer.  And still others, the envious and vicious type, a.k.a. my ex-boyfriend, think that you are ONLY a writer if you GET PAID for what you write.

These days, I am doing neither, struggling with trying to find motivation to write every day, and being completely overwhelmed and disgusted by even starting to think about the whole tedious writing process.

Having finished two online writing courses, that something possessed me to take at the same time, I feel wrung out.  All my words have been washed out of me, strung out to flap in the wind on the clothesline, like forgotten laundry.  All my motivation for writing, cleaning, having fun, and simply living is gone with the trickle of sand in an hourglass.  All that is left is silence and the residue of self-criticism.  Empty time, filled with incessant useless ruminations about my own futility.

Am I a writer?

Instead of writing, I read about writing, I subscribed to the Writer magazine, I have found a living, breathing writer's group in Buffalo, I started taking notes on a novel that has been haunting me for years, I have jotted down a few passing thoughts in poetic form, I even squeezed out a few freewriting pages out of my tired and stressed out brain, but I still do not feel like I am WRITING, or that I am a WRITER.

What would it take for me to acknowledge, to truly believe that I AM?

Natalie Goldberg, the guru of creative writing, says that we have to be prepared for some of the worst writing to come out of ourselves in our writing lives.  I think that's what I am producing right now.  And I hope that this drought will pass, and there will be the Great Flood of Inspiration in future.  I will keep criticizing myself and overcoming my self-flagellation every single day, just trudging on, and producing some of the worst writing in the history of the Universe, and then, I may have a single gem of brilliance under all this pile of rubbish and rumble.

"The trick is to keep breathing...."


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When are you going to rise to the challenge?
Always looking at others' success 


So you think you can?


From the grime of the soul's sorrow
A poem blooms